I'm feeling nauseous right now, and I'm thinking of you. I'm thinking of you so often these days, nearly every hour, when the nausea returns...because I know you're feeling nauseous, too.
I'm forcing myself to eat something right now, and I'm thinking of you. Nothing sounds good, nothing tastes good, really, and yet I know I have to eat if I'm ever going to feel better. And I'm thinking of you as I force something down because I know that nothing sounds good to you, either...and yet you need to choke something down, too.
I had trouble sleeping last night, and every night recently, and I find myself thinking of you. I can't get comfortable, I can't find that perfect spot to nestle in where I can sleep like a baby for hours, and I keep drifting in and out of consciousness all night long. And I'm thinking of you because I know that sweet and peaceful sleep is not coming nearly as easily for you these days, either.
I'm not sick for the same reason as you.
My body is doing something beautiful. Nurturing and protecting the tiniest of human beings until he or she is ready to enter the world.
Your body is poisoning itself. Pitted against your very life, sapping you of your vibrancy and comfort and freedom.
No, we aren't sick for the same reason, but I feel so blessed to be sick with you right now, because every hour all day long, I'm thinking of you. And every hour all day long, and every sleepless moment throughout the night, I'm reminded to pray for you, my friend. And for that I am truly thankful.
Our world is a fallen world. In the perfect world that God created, there was no sickness, no nausea, no pain. There was no cancer.
And yet here we are, in this broken, sick world, and cancer remains. We have tried to pray it away. We've begged and pleaded and cried until our throats are hoarse, and yet cancer remains. We've fought and treated and operated and consulted, we've sought new and better opinions and investigated alternative treatments, and yet cancer remains. We've trusted God, we've hoped in Him, we've believed that His will is the best place for us to be, and still cancer remains.
Does God not hear our prayers? Does He not see our heartache? Does He not care?
Yes, He cares. He cares so much, in fact, that He constantly reminds hundreds of people to walk together on this journey, some every hour on the hour. But God is far more concerned with healing the cancer of the soul...the cancer called sin, which we all have...than the cancer of the body. This healing has already been accomplished through Jesus Christ on the cross, and will be fulfilled in Heaven, if only we would believe in Him and allow Him to work in us.
My friend, I haven't known you long, but my heart is filled with love for you. I see in you a passion for Jesus that cannot be extinguished by cancer, a love for your Savior that can't be contained by human boundaries or described using simple human words. Your faith is beautiful and inspiring, my friend, and I have complete faith that God will heal you from cancer one way or another. I'm praying fervently that He will stretch out His hand to heal the cancer of your body on this earth.
But if He should choose not to, I stand in awe of the future I see before us. Of you and me and countless others, our God-fearing husbands and families and friends, every one of our brothers and sisters in Christ, all of us washed cancer-free forever by the blood of Jesus. Someday we'll be there, kneeling at God's throne, worshipping our Savior, and basking in the glow of His Glorious Presence.
Praying for you, my friend. You are well loved by those around you, and even in times such as this...or perhaps especially in times such as this...held gently in the hands of our Almighty God.
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10