Oh, how I love the resilient little people God has placed in my life. The little ones that show me that the issues that come with raising Attachment Disordered children are not mine...they are the result of sin and evil in a fallen world.
I love all five of my kids. I'm thankful for each of them. I have incredible hopes and dreams for each and every one of them, as they grow and learn and struggle to become the people God wants them to be. As they learn how to serve Him and not the world. I love them all.
But God knew I needed these babies...the three of them: six, four and one. On days like today, where everything I say is met with hostility and disrespect, when every request spurs on an anger that can't be reasoned with, when my resolve to not lose my temper is pushed and stretched until the only thing I can do is sing hymns, eyes closed, while burning arms restrain a nine-year-old-girl-turned-animal, rivers of sweat from both mother and child mingled with the mass confusion of rage.
With screams of "Let me go! You're hurting me! I can't breathe! You're being mean! Stop hurting me!" and on and on and on. And I pray. And I sing. And I hold. All the while pretending that my adrenaline isn't about to rip my heart from my chest. When all I really feel like doing is screaming, spanking, and forcing that child to obey.
On days like today, I am so thankful for my babies.
When the beautiful-child-turned-animal is momentarily tamed and left alone to ponder, leaving her Mama's energy...emotional, physical, spiritual...sapped to the point of exhaustion, I return to the living room, where my three babies are left playing. Left listening to the sounds of their sister's screams, and their Mama's hymns.
"You know Mama isn't really hurting your sister, right?"
"We know, Mama. She's just sick."
"Come here so I can hold you like I hold her. There. Does that hurt?"
"No!" (giggling) "It feels kinda cozy!"
Kisses and laughter and hugs. Seemingly untouched by the trauma they've been witness to in the lives of their siblings, and accepting of the struggles they've seen their brother and sister fight through.
Full of life...
...full of love...
...full of joy...
...and securely Attached.
These happy, resilient little people...I love them so.